Author: system

How to enhance children’s resilience?

How to enhance children's resilience?

Source: Education expert, Cheung Jok Fong

 

I attended a lecture by “Warrior of Regeneration,” Miss Yeung Siu Fong, earlier. She shared her experience of losing both hands in an accident at the age of nine. However, she did not give up and instead equipped herself more actively. With hard work, she not only became a swimming athlete in the Asian Games but also started art creation by using her feet in place of hands. She successfully enrolled in the Hong Kong Academy of Arts and became an inclusive artist. In 2011, she was selected as one of the “Ten Most Touching Hong Kong Figures” and became a “Hong Kong Spirit Ambassador” in 2013. After the lecture, I asked some classmates for their opinions, and they all expressed that if they encounter difficulties in the future, they will no longer be afraid because they believe that there is always a way to solve things and they want to face difficulties as positively as Sister Siu Fong.

 

Cultivating resilience from an early age

In the journey of life, we will inevitably encounter adversities. At that time, how should we face them with the right mentality and approach? Nowadays, parents often invest a lot of effort in their children’s academic performance, hoping that they can “win at the starting line.” However, while pursuing academic excellence, it is equally important to cultivate a spirit of perseverance. Unfortunately, some people choose different ways to escape when faced with difficulties, and some may even be so disheartened that they end their precious lives, which is truly regrettable. As educators, we have a responsibility to help students enhance their ability to cope with adversity, and this resilience needs to be cultivated from an early age.

 

Three key elements to enhance resilience

Experts point out that there are three key elements to enhance resilience: “optimism,” “efficacy,” and “belongingness.” “Optimism” is easy to understand literally; it means having hope for the future and believing that there is always a way to solve problems. This is the attitude one should adopt when facing difficulties. “Efficacy” includes how to manage emotions and establish problem-solving methods when facing challenges, which represents the ability needed to overcome difficulties. “Belongingness” refers to the care and support from people around the individual in question.

 

For children, the roles of family members and teachers are especially important. For example, when a child faces academic difficulties, if they can feel the care and support from their parents and teachers, and not be treated with disdain, scolded, or spoken to harshly because of low grades, but instead walk alongside them and seek ways to improve their academic performance, it will make them feel that their family and school are a place of “shelter from the storm.” In short, “belongingness” is the cornerstone for establishing “optimism” and “efficacy,” and it serves as the motivation provided to those facing challenges.


Cultivating resilience starts with small things

So, how can we cultivate children’s resilience in daily life? Should we wait until they encounter setbacks to teach them? In fact, we can start with some small things. Take skipping rope as an example. No child is born knowing how to skip rope. At this time, parents can encourage them and let them believe that they are capable of learning, which is the aforementioned “optimism.” Additionally, parents can assist from the side or demonstrate the correct way to skip rope, making them feel that their parents are accompanying them and going through difficulties together, which is the “belongingness” mentioned earlier. After the child experiences a taste of success after a few attempts, they can try to figure out how to coordinate their body and master the technique of skipping rope on their own, which is the “efficacy” mentioned above.


In conclusion, we can teach children from an early age to face difficulties with an optimistic and positive attitude and provide them with opportunities for self-challenge. More importantly, let them feel the support and care from the people around them.

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What I do is all because I “love” my child

What I do is all because I "love" my child

Written by: Education Expert, Principal Cheung Jok Fong

 

I remember one Sunday when my family and I were at the park for some leisure time. During our visit, I witnessed an incident that I would like to share with everyone through this platform.

 

I noticed a group of people arguing in the park, and one woman’s voice was particularly loud, catching my attention. Curiosity drove me closer to see what was going on. It turned out that a child was feeding the birds with birdseed in the park, attracting a large group of birds to gather on the grass for food. The park manager stepped forward to stop the child, which greatly upset the child’s mother. I overheard the parent say, “Why can’t I feed the birds here? I have the freedom to do so!” The park manager kindly explained that it could affect public hygiene. The discussion continued, and even some other park visitors joined in. The argument became too intense, and the child started crying out of fear. Finally, the mother exclaimed, “It’s just letting the child feed the birds in the park for a while, why can’t we? It’s unreasonable to be so strict.” With that, she angrily took her child and left.

 

I believe this mother’s reaction stemmed from an expression of love. Perhaps she didn’t want to see her child disappointed, so she argued with the park manager, trying to allow her child to continue feeding the birds. Her actions were undoubtedly driven by the joy of her child, but she neglected the negative impact it could have on other park visitors. Let’s take another example, some parents enjoy letting their children stand on the seats in the subway, especially when passing sections with scenic views, allowing them to admire the scenery along the way.

 

From the parents’ perspective, letting the child stand on the seat to see the scenery not only makes the child happy but also allows them to explore the world outside the window, a win-win situation. However, have these parents considered that this may soil the seats? The next passenger who sits there may get their clothes dirty! This kind of consideration that only focuses on the child’s perspective while neglecting the feelings of others is sentimental and blind. In the long run, it can have a negative impact on the child’s growth. In Chinese, the term “溺愛” (spoiling) describes overly pampering and spoiling children by parents, and what is the result of “溺愛”?  means “drowning” the child in indulgence.

It’s important to know that children have a high ability to mimic, and parents are their primary role models. Sometimes people say that a certain child is very similar to their parents, not necessarily in physical appearance, but in their words and actions, resembling their parents. If parents ignore the feelings of others in their actions, children will also become self-centered and indifferent to others, ultimately becoming seen as a “little tyrant” in the eyes of others. How can others enjoy being friends with such a child? Love for children should be rational, and while loving them, parents should also correct their mistakes in a timely manner. Taking the example mentioned earlier, if a child wants to stand on the subway seat to admire the scenery, parents should truthfully tell them that it will dirty the seat, helping them understand that they should consider others’ feelings in everything they do and teaching them how to interact with others in a group setting.

 

“People say that parents’ love for their children is meticulous.” People say that parents’ love for their children is unconditional, but unconditional love doesn’t mean unconditionally satisfying their desires; it also means correcting them when they make mistakes. This kind of love for children must be rational. “Caring” for children is not just about material satisfaction but ensuring their healthy development in all aspects of body and mind, cultivating their proper values and the ability to discern right from wrong, and making them considerate of others’ feelings. At the same time, adults should lead by example and be models for their children. I believe that under the rational love of parents, children will grow up to be individuals with sound character.

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How to handle a child’s anxiety about starting primary school?

How to handle a child's anxiety about starting primary school?

Source: Marriage and Family Therapist, Ng Yee Kam

 

When a child enters first grade and fails to adapt, some may frequently express their longing for their mothers at school and even experience a loss of appetite. Parents are concerned about their child’s anxiety and may continuously tell them, “As long as you do your best, Mom doesn’t care about grades!” But does this approach effectively address the child’s anxiety, or does it backfire?

 

First of all, parents need to understand that the transition from kindergarten to first grade is a significant change for a child. It truly takes a long time for the child to adapt. In the first-grade stage, the workload increases, rules become stricter, and teachers are more demanding. Children may experience anxiety, leading to various physical symptoms or fear of going to school.

 

So, how much time does a child need to adapt? It actually varies from person to person. Generally speaking, more introverted or observant children are prone to anxiety, so it may take them a relatively longer time to adapt. Therefore, parents should first understand their child’s personality and temperament, adjust their expectations during this adaptation period, and never compare their child with other children.

Dr. Daniel Siegel, an American psychiatrist, has proposed a very useful method called “Name it to Tame it.” When parents observe emotional fluctuations in their children, they first use their left brain to analyze what might be happening with their child. Parents should use both their left and right brains, empathizing with the child’s feelings and situation, and then verbalize what they perceive the child is feeling. This is the “Name it” step.

 

For example, you can say to your child, “Are you feeling scared? Are you feeling worried? It seems like you have no appetite. Is there something you’re anxious about?” When we are able to express the child’s emotions, we are actually delineating what the child is experiencing in their right brain very clearly.

 

For older children, parents can encourage them to express their emotions themselves, and parents can respond to them. This connection between the adult’s and the child’s right brain helps stabilize anxious emotions. We refer to this process as “Connect.” After the connection is established, we can engage in conversation about other topics with the child.

However, parents should remember that when a child expresses their emotions, we must avoid saying things like, “Don’t worry, it’s silly, don’t think about these things,” or “You’re fine as you are, just do your best.” If we respond with our left brain, we cannot alleviate the right brain’s anxiety or bring calmness to the child’s midbrain responsible for emotions.

 

Lastly, when parents are able to use emotional vocabulary and verbalize what is happening in the child’s mind, it means transforming some of the emotions in the right brain into left brain cognition. This process is called “Redirect.” When we cognitively understand what we are experiencing and feeling, our right brain will find ways to solve the problem, which is referred to as “Problem Solving.”

 

The sequence mentioned above is crucial when dealing with a child’s anxiety and nervousness. Besides the order, parents also need to have patience. We need to be patient in helping the child understand their emotions so that we can come up with strategies together.

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Will getting water in the ears cause Otitis media? Do you need to help children clean their ears?

Will getting water in the ears cause Otitis media? Do you need to help children clean their ears?

Source: Family Marriage Therapist/Art Therapist, Ko Wing Oi

In reality, many parents feel that their children are shy and want to enhance their self-confidence so that they can have more confidence in talking to others. This actually depends on the child’s personality because sometimes children may be slower to warm up or feel more fearful about speaking to strangers. A child’s shyness may be related to their upbringing and experiences during their growth process.

In today’s busy world, many parents have limited opportunities to take their children out to play and interact with other children due to work commitments. This can gradually result in children only feeling comfortable communicating with older family members or siblings. When they encounter peers of the same age, they may not know how to play together. Additionally, many parents tend to speak on behalf of their children, especially when they are unable to express themselves. Sometimes parents may feel impatient and quickly guess what the child wants, saying things like, “Do you want this? Do you want that?” This often makes the child hesitant to express their true thoughts and feelings.

Parents unintentionally prevent their children from learning how to express themselves or become dependent on their parents to speak for them. However, there are various ways to help children communicate with other children or adults in different environments. For example, through interactive activities or games at home, parents can ask the child questions like, “If we meet other children to play at the playground, what can you do to join them?” Role-playing with family members can also be beneficial in helping children gain confidence in social interactions. 

 

First, if earwax completely blocks the ear canal, it can affect a child’s hearing. Second, doctors need to carefully examine the child’s eardrum. If parents detect an unusual odor from their child’s ear, they should promptly take them to see a doctor to determine if there is a possibility of inflammation in the ear canal causing the odor.


If a child feels discomfort in their ears after taking a bath or swimming, parents can gently tilt their child’s head and use a towel to gently dab away the water that has already flowed out. It is important not to use items like cotton swabs to clean the inside of the ears. Getting water in the ears does not cause Otitis media as the ear canal and middle ear are separated by the eardrum. Even if water enters the ears, it will not pass through the eardrum into the middle ear, so getting water in the ears while swimming does not cause Otitis media.


What conditions can lead to Otitis media? Otitis media are generally caused by upper respiratory tract infections, where bacteria travel from the throat through the Eustachian tube and reach the middle ear, resulting in inflammation. Therefore, it is not related to getting water in the ears.

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How to enhance the confidence of shy children

How to enhance the confidence of shy children?

Source: Pediatric Specialist, Dr. Lam Ka Yee

 

In fact, earwax is a normal secretion in the ear canal, and its function is to protect the ear canal and reduce the risk of bacterial infection. Earwax will naturally flow out on its own, so in general, parents do not need to specifically clean the earwax inside their children’s ear canals. Unless the earwax has flowed to the outer ear or is at the opening of the ear canal, parents can gently clean it with a damp cotton swab.

 

When parents clean the earwax in their children’s ear canals, even if they use a cotton swab gently, there is a chance of injuring the mucous membrane of the ear canal, leading to inflammation or even damaging or puncturing the eardrum. If parents accidentally push the earwax further in or if the child feels uncomfortable during the cleaning process, it is best to take the child to see a doctor to determine whether it is necessary to remove the earwax. In general, there are only two situations where a doctor may recommend removing earwax for children.

Children primarily learn from their environment, including their parents, siblings, school, friends, and even through sources like online news, television, or cartoons, where they learn behaviors and speech patterns. Therefore, when playing games at home, it’s important to set a good example and show them how to communicate, speak, and express themselves effectively.

 

 

Sometimes, it’s necessary to give children time to think about how to express themselves instead of rushing to speak for them or completing their sentences. Even if they make a mistake, it’s important not to say, “That’s not how you do it!” as it can scare the child. It’s better to analyze the situation together and discuss how it could have been done correctly. Parents should try to engage in more analysis with the child, asking questions like, “Why is it not okay to say it that way? Because speaking like that might hurt other children. How would you feel if someone spoke to you in that manner?” Teaching them different communication methods can help them interact with strangers and communicate effectively in different environments.

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How do you resolve sibling conflicts peacefully?

How do you resolve sibling conflicts peacefully?

Source: Family Dynamics, Individual, Marriage, and Family Therapist Kwong Wing Han

 

When there are two or more children in a household, conflicts and disagreements are normal. Parents may feel troubled, wondering how to make their children get along peacefully. Here are some tips.

 

Firstly, parents should try their best to create a warm and happy family atmosphere, emphasizing the concept of sharing. Secondly, we should regulate the behavior of children according to their age. Children under the age of 2 do not understand what they can and cannot do. Many times, they may behave in a way that upsets their older siblings. At this time, we need to comfort the older child and make him understand that his younger sibling cannot do it because of their limited abilities and lack of understanding. When they reach the age of understanding and obeying rules, parents will ask them to follow the rules just like their older siblings, so that the older child understands that the parents are not favoring their younger siblings.

 

In traditional thinking, older children should show consideration and make concessions to younger children. However, in fact, we should decide based on the child’s age and their ability to receive and understand things, not necessarily based on age. The so-called consideration and concession should be understood as empathy and understanding their needs.

 

If the younger sister wants to play with the older sister’s toy, mom can say to the older sister, “I know this toy is yours, and you treasure and love it, so you don’t want to let your sister play with it. But your sister doesn’t have this toy; she is younger than you, and she is happy to see you play with it and wants to try it too.” If the older sister agrees to let her sister play with it, it means she understands and empathizes with her sister’s needs. We can also say to the younger sister, “Because your sister loves you very much, she is willing to let you play with the toy,” and let her express gratitude to her sister.

However, children may not always be willing to share their toys. When they refuse to share, we should teach them to respect each other. On the basis of mutual respect, everyone can discuss and communicate together, and the child can decide who to share with. In addition, we should establish the principle of sharing. The older sister can share toys with the younger sister, and the younger sister also has the ability to share toys with the older sister. By sharing with each other according to a fair principle, the relationship between them will be more harmonious.

 

When sisters have conflicts, parents should remain neutral and not intervene. However, we often feel anxious and want to solve the problem for them. But the focus should be on accompanying them to solve their conflicts. We should give them the opportunity to express themselves, let them know that we understand their feelings, and allow them to handle the situation on their own.

Also, don’t overly emphasize on fairness because there is often no absolute fairness. If they both want to be hugged by mom, mom can say, “Mommy knows you both want to be hugged by mommy and feel comfortable this way. But mommy only has one pair of arms and can’t hold you both at the same time. Let’s think of ways to let both of you be hugged by mommy.”

 

We should let children know that having conflicts is not a problem, and having conflicts does not mean they don’t love each other. The most important thing is to learn how to solve problems. Their problem-solving experiences will be unforgettable lessons for them as they grow up, and will not damage their relationship.

 
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How do you teach children correct pronunciation?

How do you teach children correct pronunciation?

Source: Speech therapist, Miss Carley

 

When children learn a language, pronunciation is also an important aspect. There are many pronunciations in English that are not found in Cantonese and are difficult for both children and adults to master. How can parents teach children to pronounce English correctly? What are some tips to use?

 

The English tongue’s sounds can be difficult for children and even adults to master. We can try to use different cueing techniques to teach children to pronounce the sounds correctly. For example, parents can use visual cues, such as looking in the mirror with the child and showing him the tip of his tongue, placed between the two rows of teeth.

In addition, parents can also use verbal cues to clearly tell the child, “Put your tongue in the middle of your two rows of teeth,” so that they know what to do. When necessary, parents can also provide tactile cues, such as using a popsicle stick or spoon to touch the tongue and showing them where to place it for different sounds.


Parents can also try playing simple games with their children to train their listening skills, such as whether they can distinguish between right and wrong in terms of hearing. For example, intentionally mispronouncing a word: “Is ‘fank you’ correct? No, it’s not.” “Is ‘thank you’ correct? Yes, it is.”


This time we have to bite our teeth on the tongue or write the words “free” and “three” on a piece of paper, and then the parent reads out one of the words “three” “You show me which one” and reads “free”, “You show me which one”. If he knows how to distinguish, it will be clearer and easier for him to express himself.

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How can eating habits make your child’s skin healthier?

How can eating habits make your child's skin healthier?

Source: Registered Dietitian (Public Health) (UK), Ng Pui-Yu 

 

Many kids have dry skin or even eczema, and their parents work hard to find the right moisturizers and other skin care products for them. In fact, in addition to topical skincare products, we should also pay attention to children’s diets. The most direct way, of course, is to drink more water. How much water should be drunk? 

 

In fact, our body’s need for water is deeply influenced by the weather. For example, in dry weather, we need more water, as well as to account for children’s activity levels and how much they sweat. The water content in food also affects their need for water. If a child urinates every 3 to 4 hours and the urine is light yellow with no strong odor and the stool is not very hard and does not cause difficulty during bowel movements, it usually means that their water intake is sufficient.

For children aged 2 to 5, they need about 4 to 5 cups of fluid a day, and water should be the main source. Unsaturated fatty acids, like omega-3, are also important for maintaining the integrity of cell membranes, which keep harmful substances out and keep the skin moist and flexible. Omega-3 fatty acids can also help calm immune responses that are too strong in people with skin allergies or eczema. 

 

We should also avoid certain foods, such as candies, cookies, and white bread, which are refined foods. Instead, we should choose low-glycemic index foods, such as brown rice and whole wheat bread, which are important for controlling sensitive conditions. Antioxidants, including common vitamins A, C, and E, are also important and can be found in fruits, vegetables, and nuts of different colors, making them great sources of antioxidants.

In summary, to have healthy skin, in addition to having enough water, you should eat high-fat fish such as salmon or yellow croaker twice a week. You can also replace some cookies and candy with plain nuts, fruits, and so on, and it is ideal to eat a variety of vegetables and fruits. 


By the way, if a child’s chewing ability is not well developed, there is a chance of choking when eating nuts. Therefore, we should choose some smaller nuts, such as pine nuts, which are also a good option.

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How to effectively calm children when dealing with parent-child conflicts

How to effectively calm children when dealing with parent-child conflicts?

Source: Parenting Education Specialist, Ken Sir

 

From time to time, conflicts may arise between children and adults. In handling these conflicts, communication skills with children are very important, and there is a big difference between starting with “you” and starting with “I.”

 

Once, I was at the elevator entrance and saw a child trying to press the elevator button, but another child pressed it first. The child’s emotions immediately became volatile, and although the mother tried to bend down and deal with the situation, she found it difficult to calm the child’s emotions. What was involved in the situation?

This involves the mother using a few phrases, including “don’t cry”, “what do you want?” or “do you want me to go down to the next floor and let you press the button?” I want to remind parents that if they want to calm a child’s emotions, they should avoid using these types of phrases.

 

If we want to calm a child’s emotions, we can try using “I” at the beginning of the sentence, such as “I see you…”, “I know that you really want…”, and “Mom and Dad understand you”. When a child hears these words from their perspective, they will feel that you are on their side rather than opposing them.

 

In this way, through your body language—calming and hugging—it helps the child gradually learn to be calm and then slowly instill what you want to teach them. This would be very good.


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Does the child cry non-stop when they are a little dissatisfied?

Does the child cry non-stop when they are a little dissatisfied?

Source：Family Dynamic, Psychotherapist, Lai Shun Mei 

 

Sometimes, children may cry when they are slightly dissatisfied, and parents may have tried different methods to comfort their children, but the children still cry from time to time. This may make parents feel tired, helpless, and even annoyed. In fact, children’s crying is usually a way of expressing their emotions. Because their language is not yet developed enough to convey a complete story, their own feelings, and some thoughts, they will use the most direct or fastest way to seek help when they are unhappy, which is to cry, just like when they were infants.

 

Let’s not assume that just because children can walk, talk, and go to school, we need to talk to them more about reasoning. In fact, in the preschool years, parents should provide more emotional support to their children. Maslow, a well-known psychologist, came up with the five-level theory of human needs. The levels are physiological, safety, social, esteem, and self-actualization. As children’s cognitive development matures, they have already reached the third level of social needs, which is love and a sense of belonging.

 

At this time, they need to feel the care and love from people around them, and they begin to recognize their own emotions. Therefore, if parents can help them express their emotions and thoughts, not only will their language skills improve, but their social needs will also be met.

 

When we see a child crying, we as parents can say something like this to them: “You seem very unhappy; maybe you don’t like it when mommy talks to you in a harsh tone.” “Your little brother took your toy without asking, which made you angry.” If you can speak accurately to the child’s feelings, they will quickly nod and stop crying. Over time, they will learn to use other means to express themselves instead of crying.

 

Some parents may wonder why their usually talkative kids can’t say what they’re feeling when they’re sad. This is because emotions can affect rational thinking. If I asked you to give a speech on stage right now, how would you feel? You may feel nervous or even a little scared, and if I don’t give you time to prepare, you may not be able to say a word. You can see that emotions can affect adults, let alone children.

 

So, as parents, we should first calm down and then carefully watch and try to figure out why our kids are crying. Then, put yourself in their shoes and express your thoughts and emotions. This way, the child will not cry anymore.

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